To Float Inside Another's Eyes

by MM
(NJ)

Of course I met him completely unexpectedly. At first, it didn't see like much. We danced and talked some. He just seemed like a genuinely nice guy who I wouldn't mind being kissed by. And we kissed. And, it was just ... just nice. Nothing incredibly special ... but, also, not un-special either.

Then I saw him dancing again, but there were other people involved. Too many distractions and the evening was brief.

Then...then, an afternoon at the pool. The first opportunity we had to really talk, to really focus on each other without loud music, loud people and drinks and dancing. We talked. We held each other and talked, and talked, and smiled and laughed.

I'm a very outgoing person and am easily comfortable around almost anyone. But the level of comfort I had with him was uncanny, even for me. I've never had the experience of feeling as though someone was looking right through me, right into me. And yet, every time we just stopped talking and looked each other in the eyes, everything stood still, and it was like we were walking around inside of each other the way a person might wander in a park on a spring day. No rush. No hurry. Just appreciating the experience.

And I had two more evenings with him. Each more amazing than the other. But, he had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship, and apparently they began talking again within days of our last night together.

I haven't cried over men I spent 3 times the amount of time with. Over a month since I last saw or talked to him and I can still bring myself to tears if I let myself dwell on thoughts of him. After we broke things off, I racked my brain trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I couldn't explain why I felt so entirely driven, so quickly, to BE with this man.

Suddenly, one day out of the blue it hit me -- a soul mate. I realized, I had met a soulmate. I'd never heard of twin flame soul mate, and I don't know if he is that. He may be.

I have given this all to God. I knew before reading this that I have to accept things as they are. Though I feel I may be ready for a relationship with him, obviously he is not ready for one with me. I don't think the relationship he returned to is a good one. But it doesn't matter. Our paths are what our paths are. Though I very deeply want to be with him, want to feel what I felt, share what we shared, I am grateful to have experienced it at all.

I pray that if it is God's Will. But, I feel foolish even doing that knowing that if it is God's Will, I need not pray for it.